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Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

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It may be safe to say that all of us, at some point, have loved someone who we felt did not show that same level of love toward us. I know I definitely have had this experience in a relationship before and it hurt me to my core. I spent so much time wondering, was it something about me? or was I not good enough? The truth is that everyone is designed a certain way, have their own experiences and act according to who they are inside. There is a reason for why people do the things they do and why some are so closed off to the idea of loving someone else. First off, if you don’t love yourself, how can you be emotionally available to love someone else? Another reason someone may not be able to display love is because they have never been shown love before. It’s hard to mimic an emotion that you’ve never received. Some people are consumed by fear. They fear that if they allow themselves to be vulnerable that they’ll get hurt so, therefore, they hold back and basically are the administers of the very pain that they fear (1 John 4:18).

Giving out love to someone and not receiving it back is painful and stressful but it’s important to understand why the person has that wall built up. The last thing you want to do is to abandon them when they’re probably looking to you to help them free themselves from the emotional shackles that have around their heart. Communicate with one another openly. If he/she is willing to open up and discuss the deeper reasoning behind their sealed heart, you will be able to take the first step in the healing process.

I spent several years loving a man who I felt did not love me back and even though I was hurt, I stayed so that I could try to get a better understanding of why he was so afraid to love. Now this is when things get complicated! When you’ve done your best and you’ve exhausted all of your resources and options to salvage your relationship and to open up the heart of the man who you love, what do you do when nothing seems to work? Well, I first had to pray and ask God to guide me and lead me to where he wanted me to be, even if it was without the man I gave my heart to. After multiple attempts at communicating and praying for God to help us, I had to realize that God was trying to separate what I wanted to keep together. I was very much aware of the fact that this man was difficult to communicate with and was just unwilling to look within himself to begin to heal, but I stayed nevertheless and got hurt time after time. I finally had the “aha!” moment when I realized that I was ignoring the path that God laid out for me because it wasn’t the path that I had prayed for.

So while it’s important to give your relationship a try and to make a valid effort in understanding one another, it’s also important not to continue to emotionally and mentally destroy yourself in the process. If you love him/her and they don’t love you back, pray about it, talk about it, work together to find your healing and begin to progress. If he/she is unwilling to work with you in order to move forward, do what I did and love yourself enough to walk away. We hold on to the things that God is trying to separate.  Don’t ignore his warning signs and trust his path, for he IS love.


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